Abandonment issues...
- Jodi Millman
- Jun 20, 2023
- 2 min read
Symptoms and signs.
Abandonment issues can relate to childhood loss. For me personally, childhood loss is something I experienced early when my parents separated. Therefore, in early adulthood, my abandonment issues were something I had to discover, experience and work through in my own time. It wasn't easy and it caused a lot of emotional distress for me and negatively impacted my relationships.
Don't get me wrong, I was loved and cared for and always had everything I needed. But that isn't the point here.
Divorce can be very traumatic for a child and cause children to feel unloved if there aren't enough warm and attentive interactions with the child, and of course when parents separate there are going to be uneven interactions with one parent if custody is not able to be shared 50/50 for what whatever ever reason, which in my case, for many reasons this was the case. Even so, with 50/50 custody if a child's needs are not met, abandonment issues can still develop.
My issues developed because I had an emotionally unavailable parent. I would barely hear from them let alone see them. I would wait for calls on my birthday and wonder why they didn't come. I began to think it was me (I wasn't good enough). I felt it when other kids had their parent's at important events and milestones and mine wasn't there. One time I waited on the driveway with my packed suitcase and they didn't come. I can't explain what it does to a child, it is soul-crushing. Something was always missing and these feelings carried into my adult relationships, where I became anxiously attached to people and feared being abandoned again and again and again. There are other attachment styles that can be formed and I can only suggest you do some research and learn about your own style so you can begin to understand yourself more and work through any issues you may have.
Common signs of abandonment issues include:
Giving too much or being overly eager to please
Jealousy in your relationship or of others
Trouble trusting your partner’s intentions
Feeling insecure about your relationship
Having difficulty feeling intimate and emotionally
Needing to control or be controlled by your partner
Settling in unsatisfactory relationships
What can you do?
learn what triggers you, and find someone to explore these with. You are never alone and can be supported to identify negative thought patterns around your beliefs and discuss strategies to support your healing. Also, self-care is extremely important on an ongoing basis and supports your journey. Know what your boundaries are and be comfortable with asserting them.
And please know, you are good enough x
Jodi x
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